Understanding Engineers….Take 4

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical.  After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.

A few years later, the company contacted him regarding a seemingly unsolvable problem they were experiencing with one of their multi-million dollar machines.  They had tried everything and everyone to no avail.

In desperation, they called the retired engineer, who had solved so many of their problems in the past, begging him to help them out with this difficult situation.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.  He spent 1 day studying the huge machine.  At the end of the day, he marked a small “x” in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, “This is where your problem is.”

The defective part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly to everyone’s relief.  The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service.  They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded briefly:  “One chalk mark – $1.00.  Knowing where to put it – $49,999.00.”

It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

TWILIGHT

I’ve just finished reading Twilight….I know, I know, I’m a bit behind the 8-ball.  But the movie was out before I really caught onto the whole Twilight phenomenon, and I always like to read the books before seeing the films.  Although in saying this, usually it takes a bit longer after the release of the book, before the film comes out.  I guess Stephenie Meyer just took advantage of the world’s crush on Edward as quickly as possible so she could maximise her profits.  Good on her, I say!

Now, if you have been living under a rock for the last couple of years and don’t know what Twilight is all about, then here’s the low-down: 
Edward is a 17 year old vampire living with his vampire family in the small rainy town of Forks, Washington. When accident-prone Bella comes to live with Charlie (her father), the local police chief, she falls head over heels for the undescribably gorgeous Edward. And the feelings are mutual. Obviously this human-vampire love sensation makes for a very dangerous life for both of them and Edward must protect Bella from the inevitable.

If you’re an avid reader (especially ladies), then I highly recommend you get your hands on a copy of Twilight…there are not many books where I can say that I really don’t want to put it down, but this is one of them.  OK, so admittedly I saw the movie first on this occasion so I was excited to see if the book panned out like the movie….and without spoiling it for you, it does….kind of anyway.  As normal there is always more in the book than the movie, and I love the way Meyer takes you on the rollercoaster of love with Edward and Bella, so you feel involved in the story.  Her descriptions of certain situations cannot quite be replicated with video, so in this matter the movie may leave you feeling a little disappointed (but only if you’ve read the book first).

Now after saying this, I don’t know many females that haven’t enjoyed the movie.  Many grown women are being transported back to their teens, as they post photos of Edward (Robert Pattinson) all over their Facebook pages, or posters in their cubicles at work….it’s quite funny really, as I also felt elated after viewing this fantastic story but I’m not about to pretend like I’ll one day marry this love-bitten vampire.

I’ve now started to read New Moon, Meyer’s second book in the Twilight series – there are 4 in total, after New Moon comes Eclipse and then Breaking Dawn.  New Moon is no disappointment, in fact, I think I’m enjoying it more, but I’ll review it completely once I’m finished…..stay tuned!

If you want to buy the Twilight book, DVD or Blu-Ray, check out Fishpond (Fishpond allows you to buy new or used books, DVDs etc at great prices – most of the time they have the cheapest online price):

BOOK DVD

Or if you’re outside Australia and would rather buy from Amazon:

TWILIGHT SAGA COLLECTION
DVD BLU-RAY

Understanding Engineers….Take 3

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, “What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!”

The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude!”

The pastor said, “Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him.” ………. [dramatic pause] “Hi George, say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”

The greens keeper replied, “Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind firefighters lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.” The group fell silent for a moment.

The pastor said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”

The doctor said, “Good idea. And I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”

The engineer said, “Why can’t these guys play at night?”

Understanding Engineers….Take 2

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN

If you are one of the very few people who have not yet seen the new Transformers movie, then…..WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR????

Seriously, there have been lots of reviews on this film, some good and some bad, but if you’re a Transformers fan, have kids, like robots, or just enjoy a good action film then you have to get to the cinemas and check Transformers out.

So here’s a quick synopsis:
The battle for Earth has ended but the battle for the universe has just begun. After returning to Cybertron, Starscream assumes command of the Decepticons, and has decided to return to Earth with force. The Autobots believing that peace was possible finds out that Megatron’s dead body has been stolen from the US Military by Skorpinox and revives him using his own spark. Now Megatron is back seeking revenge and with Starscream and more Decepticon reinforcements on the way, the Autobots with reinforcements of their own, may have more to deal with then meets the eye.

My view of the film:
First half builds up the story, introduces some new characters, and has some great scenes of Megan Fox (for the guys). The second half of the film is ongoing battle, resulting in pure carnage….you can’t beat that! And as per Transformers: The Movie, there’s just a hint of emotional drawcard (for the chicks).

If you haven’t seen the first movie yet, then I suggest you get out there and buy it. Your DVD collection will be a sorry compilation without it.

Buy Now on DVD
Buy Now on Blu-Ray

And just for the hardcore Transformers fans, turn your car into an Autobot or Decepticon with these awesome Transformer car badges. Now your Datsun 180B, or Toyota Corolla can be cooler than the WRX or Porsche….

You can even grab Bumblebee’s BEE-OTCH car freshener, as seen in the movie, to make your vehicle transformation complete.

Autobots Car Badge
Decepticons Car Badge
Bumblebee’s BEE-OTCH Car Freshener

Understanding Engineers….Take 1

I work in an engineering environment so some of these all too familiar to me

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”

The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.  She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”

The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”

TRIVIAL FORSOOTH

• Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in-Seine.
• A backward poet writes inverse
• A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
• Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.
• Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
• Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
• A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. 
• A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
• Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
• Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
• Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
• Reading while sunbathing makes you well red. 
• When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
• A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.
• What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway.)
• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
• In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
• She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
• A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
• If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
• With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
• When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
• The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
• You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
• Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
• He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
• Every calendar’s days are numbered.
• A lot of money is tainted – It taint yours and it taint mine.
• A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
• He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
• A plateau is a high form of flattery.
• A midget fortune-teller prison escapee is a small medium at large.
• Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
• Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
• Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
• Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
• Acupuncture is a jab well done.

WONDER DRUGS FOR WOMEN

DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates me lancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out!

ST. MOMMA’S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women.  Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women.  Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, ‘You make me want to be a better person.’

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.  Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can’t remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth.

Fashion Parade

Check out these garments in an asian fashion parade….can you identify what everything is made of?

Yep, everyone of them is made of condoms!  OK, so maybe not the most practical clothes, but at least the red wine wouldn’t stain your party dress

Protected: 9 Jul 09