Sharemarket Explained

If you have difficulty understanding the current world financial situation, the following should help…

Once upon a time in a village in India, a man arrived and announced to the villagers that he wanted to buy monkeys and he would pay $10 each for them.

The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10, but, as the supply started to diminish, it became more difficult to catch the monkeys and the villagers stopped their efforts.

The man then announced that he would now buy monkeys at $20 each. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms.

The offer rate increased to $25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch one!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now act as buyer on his behalf.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers: ‘Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when he returns from the city, you can sell them back to him for $50.’The villagers squeezed together their savings and bought all the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man or his assistant again, only monkeys everywhere! 

Welcome to the Sharemarket!

How the markets really work…

In today’s economic climate, these guys  seem ahead of their time, given that this was filmed in 2007.

BEACHED AS

Rock Paper Scissors - Rochambeau (roshambo)

Theree are many names for this age-old game…see the Wikipedia Entry for Rock Paper Scissors…but I couldn’t get past this snippet of argument emailed around some time ago. I must say that there is some familiarity with the argument and style of writing…whoever wrote this is a person of my own heart.

You might be a redneck if…..in Oct 07

It makes me wonder how Jeff Foxworthy managed to come up with enough scenarios for one year, let alone several…

• The velvet paintings in your house were bought from an art dealer on the side of the highway
• You’ve ever changed your baby on the hood of a car
• Your favourite topless bar is the one where your daughters work
• Your primary income involves pigs or manure
• You think “Chablis” is the name of last month’s Playboy centrefold
• Your dogs are still chasing your car a mile down the road
• You own all the components of a soap-on-a-rope except the soap
• You can tell your car is low on oil by looking at the garage floor
• The only vegetable in your diet is the pickle on a Big Mac
• You’ve ever shot at a NO HUNTING sign
• The passengers enter your vehicle through the driver’s-side door
• All of your cousins are kissing cousins
• The receipt for your car’s tune-up is more than two pages long
• Your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve
• All of your golf balls come in an egg carton
• You’ve ever laid rubber while traveling in a funeral procession
• Your living room curtains are beach towels (or sheets)
• You were born with a plastic spoon in your mouth
• You taught your children how to play “Pull My Finger”
• Your best coon hound gets a birthday present and your wife doesn’t
• You cut your toenails in front of company
• Your car is permanently covered in paw prints
• You have Mason jars with stuff the FBI can’t identify
• You list “staring” as one of your hobbies
• You dated your daddy’s current wife in high school
• You have no hubcaps on your car because you’re using them to feed your hunting dogs
• You’ve ever ordered a bucket of skin from KFC

I’m not a dancer….I’m just drunk

There are so many times that I could use this phrase, and anyone who knows me can confirm that.

I know this drunk driver clip has been round the traps a few times but it’s great.  Check out this dude’s dexterity…amazing for someone so intoxicated.

I don’t know if I can dance this well after a few drinks, but I would hope to god that my choreography is a lot better.

I’m F***ing Matt Damon

For anyone that hasn’t seen the Sarah Silverman’s “I’m f***ing Matt Damon” clip, here it is…..well worth your time.

I’m F***ing Matt Damon

And Jimmy Kimmel’s response….

I’m F***ing Ben Affleck

You might be a redneck if…in Sep 07

• You’ve ever participated in a burp-off
• You own ever Boxcar Willie album
• Your school bus carried a radar detector
• Your plumbing makes poltergeist noises
• Your third-grade class had a no-smoking section
• There is a restraining order on your pets
• You lost money betting on the Lingerie Bowl
• The emergency room nurse knows everyone in your family by name
• The pizza delivery man won’t come to your house without bringing the police with him
• Drying your clothes depends upon the weather
• Everything you won at the fair is hanging from your rearview mirror
• You have grease under your toenails
• You work without your shirt on and so does your husband
• You think truffles are a brand of potato chips
• You’re running a business from a pay phone
• You can count to eleven on your fingers
• A significant portion of your income is spent on table dances
• The auto junkyard calls you to get spare parts
• Your TV remote control is your son, Junior
• A different cat sleeps on your head each night
• Every time the wind blows, you find shingles in your yard
• You’ve ever told a bride, “You clean up pretty good.”
• Your most expensive bottle of liquor doesn’t have a label
• The church social committee is afraid to meet at your house
• You bum a dip from your mother

You might be a redneck if……in Aug 07

OK, so I know it’s been a while since my last post, but Christmas and the period leading up to it were a bit busy, so for that I apologise, but here’s the next installment of Jeff Foxworthy’s redneck quotes….

• You have ever emptied the bed of your truck by driving backwards real fast and slamming on the brakes
• You’ve been to the emergency room more than three times to have a fish hook removed
• The palmolive you soak your hands in also has dirty dishes in it
• The only cordless phone in your house is the one that your wife ripped out of the wall when she caught you talking to your girlfriend
• You have a prescription for antiperspirant
• Your air conditioner is louder than your TV
• You think “going back to your roots” means growing the peroxide out
• You have a Hefty bag for a passenger-side window
• You follow the tractor pull circuit
• You have a full set of salad bowls that all say “Cool Whip” on the side of them
• You’ve ever hunted within twenty yards of your child’s swing set
• You’ve been asked to leave a yard sale
• You are using a Twister mat as a shower curtain
• You think “megabytes” means a good day fishing
• Your favourite actor is E.T.
• There are more dishes in your sink than there are in your cabinets
• The air freshener hanging in your car lost it’s scent more than five years ago
• Your idea of family planning is figuring out the chain of hand-me-downs
• Stealing road signs is a family outing
• You favourite “adult beverage” doubles as gas for your car
• You’ve never stayed at a hotel without stealing something
• The hedge around your house is full of empty beer cans
• Tires were featured in your divorce settlement
• Someone is permanently staying on your couch
• Your car ashtray is so packed you can’t get it out
• Your previous two homes are rotting in your back pasture

You might be a redneck if….in Jul07

• The post office discontinues your service because the mailman keeps getting stuck in your driveway
• You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws
• People come to your door thinking you have an auto salvage business
• You can ruin a pair of shoes in one wearing
• Every time you attempt to put your boat on your trailer, a crowd gathers to watch
• You’ve ever barbecued Spam on the grill
• The oil stain in your driveway is bigger than your car
• Your current wife was a bridesmaid at your first wedding
• There is a picture of you, in your wedding dress, holding a stringer of fish
• You had to wear hip waders to get to your honeymoon love shack
• You’ve ever shot a beer can while someone else was drinking out of it
• You call your boss “dude”
• You showed pictures of your latest deer at the funeral home
• You get poison ivy, chigger bites, and fleas just walking to your mailbox
• Your TV is on 24/7
• Nothing in your refrigerator was purchased at a store
• The flood history of your area can be seen on your living room walls
• The only newspapers you read are sold in the checkout line of the grocery store
• You’ve ever worn a suit from Chess King to a funeral
• You keep a can of Raid on your kitchen table
• Your two best friends are named Skeeter and Possum
• You think the ability to hold on to a job is overrated
• The grarbage truck mistakenly takes your lawn furniture
• You’ve ever paid for a six-pack of beer with pennies
• Any of your front room furniture is inflatable
• You have a photo of yourself with a prize-winning vegetable
• Your five-year-old can rebuild a carburetor