You might be a redneck if……in Aug 07

OK, so I know it’s been a while since my last post, but Christmas and the period leading up to it were a bit busy, so for that I apologise, but here’s the next installment of Jeff Foxworthy’s redneck quotes….

• You have ever emptied the bed of your truck by driving backwards real fast and slamming on the brakes
• You’ve been to the emergency room more than three times to have a fish hook removed
• The palmolive you soak your hands in also has dirty dishes in it
• The only cordless phone in your house is the one that your wife ripped out of the wall when she caught you talking to your girlfriend
• You have a prescription for antiperspirant
• Your air conditioner is louder than your TV
• You think “going back to your roots” means growing the peroxide out
• You have a Hefty bag for a passenger-side window
• You follow the tractor pull circuit
• You have a full set of salad bowls that all say “Cool Whip” on the side of them
• You’ve ever hunted within twenty yards of your child’s swing set
• You’ve been asked to leave a yard sale
• You are using a Twister mat as a shower curtain
• You think “megabytes” means a good day fishing
• Your favourite actor is E.T.
• There are more dishes in your sink than there are in your cabinets
• The air freshener hanging in your car lost it’s scent more than five years ago
• Your idea of family planning is figuring out the chain of hand-me-downs
• Stealing road signs is a family outing
• You favourite “adult beverage” doubles as gas for your car
• You’ve never stayed at a hotel without stealing something
• The hedge around your house is full of empty beer cans
• Tires were featured in your divorce settlement
• Someone is permanently staying on your couch
• Your car ashtray is so packed you can’t get it out
• Your previous two homes are rotting in your back pasture

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