You might be a redneck if….in Jul07

• The post office discontinues your service because the mailman keeps getting stuck in your driveway
• You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws
• People come to your door thinking you have an auto salvage business
• You can ruin a pair of shoes in one wearing
• Every time you attempt to put your boat on your trailer, a crowd gathers to watch
• You’ve ever barbecued Spam on the grill
• The oil stain in your driveway is bigger than your car
• Your current wife was a bridesmaid at your first wedding
• There is a picture of you, in your wedding dress, holding a stringer of fish
• You had to wear hip waders to get to your honeymoon love shack
• You’ve ever shot a beer can while someone else was drinking out of it
• You call your boss “dude”
• You showed pictures of your latest deer at the funeral home
• You get poison ivy, chigger bites, and fleas just walking to your mailbox
• Your TV is on 24/7
• Nothing in your refrigerator was purchased at a store
• The flood history of your area can be seen on your living room walls
• The only newspapers you read are sold in the checkout line of the grocery store
• You’ve ever worn a suit from Chess King to a funeral
• You keep a can of Raid on your kitchen table
• Your two best friends are named Skeeter and Possum
• You think the ability to hold on to a job is overrated
• The grarbage truck mistakenly takes your lawn furniture
• You’ve ever paid for a six-pack of beer with pennies
• Any of your front room furniture is inflatable
• You have a photo of yourself with a prize-winning vegetable
• Your five-year-old can rebuild a carburetor

You might be a redneck if…..in Jun07

My favourite is the tank top….I wonder if Jeff Foxworthy is speaking from experience when he comes up with these.

• You actually wear shoes your dog brought home
• The last time you took your wife to the movies, she had to hide in the truck
• You’ve ever used hairspray to kill flying bugs
• You deliberately run over other people’s golf balls with your golf cart
• You’ve ever FedExed beef jerky
• You have a relative living in your garage
• Half of your car is a Cadillac
• Your mobile home has a loft
• Your toothbrush is a hand-me-down
• Your anniversasry dinner included pickled pig’s feet
• You’ve ever relieved yourself in your neighbour’s yard
• You’ve ever worked in your garden with a kitchen fork
• Your dad taught you how to elude a pack of trailing bloodhounds
• You’ve ever gotten carbon monoxide poisoning while driving your vehicle
• Your standard of living improves when you go camping
• The only thing not rusted in your yard is the pinwheels on either side of the driveway
• You’ve ever been hunting on a tractor
• You have a fence in your yard but it’s not up
• You’ve driven over 100 miles to look at a hog
• You’ve ever vacationed in a rest area
• Your mother thinks you should have become a surgeon because of the ease and confidence you have with the deep-fat fryer
• Your grandmother wears a tank top without a bra
• Your high school graduation was the headline of the local paper

Australian Idol

Is it just me or does everyone believe that the judges on Australian Idol are going crazy?  Now to start off on the wrong foot, I really like Kyle! Oh yeah, you heard me right….I like Kyle.  OK, I’m aware that sometimes he’s a little obnoxious, and probably a bit ruder than is necessary.  However, it is in my opinion that Kyle simply says it how it is….eg.  he may not have the musical talent of Mark Holden & Marcia Hines and he may not have the business knowledge in the music industry like Dicko, but he certainly knows what he likes (albeit the pretence that he believes in the talents of his wife Tamara Jaber…she’s hot and that’s what he really believes in), and what a radio station will play.  Not to say that he likes everything that’s on the radio, but it is my belief that Kyle says what he believes the rest of the public are thinking. 

And in any case, the show tonight was not about Kyle but about all the judges.  It was an hour and a half of contradictions.  At the beginning of the show, the judges told us that they expected the contestants to show us what type of artist they want to be.  The first person who comes to mind from tonight’s show is Marty.  Now it has been clear through the competition that his preferred style is more reggae-easy listening Jack Johnson-style.  He brought this to the forefront with tonight’s version of Cowded House’s Now We’re Getting Somehwere…his arrangement was perfect for his style and he is so comfortable doing what he does.  I think Marty has kept his own style through the whole of the competition…as I recall he reggaed up “You Sexy Thing” on disco night. But the judges clearly indicated that he’s not showing us what type of artist he wants to be……JUDGES, ARE YOU DEAF??????  But seriously if Marty released an album tomorrow I would buy it….so my recommendation is with Dicko - don’t vote for him, he’s too good for this competition and Oz Idol will only package and market him wrong….let him get out in the real world and do his own thing….Marty will make it if someone will sign him.

Next in the firing line was Natalie….now I have to admit that I was chatting through the first half of her performance, so perhaps I missed the ever-so-important part of the performance that the judges were crapping on about….the second half of her rendition of “My Endless Love” was awesome, and yet the judges absolutely hammered her.

Matt Corby…what a great arrangement of “Another Day in Paradise”.  I must say that, although Phil Collins may be a great musician, he bores me a little….but Matt brought something new to this song, and I enjoyed it immensely.  Matt has to be the most mature 16-yr-old I’ve ever seen (I would say met but of course I haven’t actually met him).  Another one who is too good for this comeptition and needs to get out and get someone else to sign him because Oz Idol will ruin him.

Carl is the King of Swing.  Mark’s comments about Carl being a one-trick-wonder is ever so wrong….he said something along the lines of Carl not showing us what type of artist he wants to be, and he should have tried to arrange the song to suit himself…..as I recall Carl has consistently shown (and told) us that he wants to be the next Harry Connick Jr or Michael Buble….and I have no problem with that.  What Mark Holden obviously fails to recall is Carl’s fantastic arrangement of Waltzing Matilda, turning an age-old boring Aussie folk song into a hip swing version that I would actually listen to.  And given that Carl doesn’t have the same musical experience (and by this I mean singing-songwriting) as some of the other contestants, I think he’s done a bang-up job, and Idol is the right competition for Carl.

Tarisai….poor old Tarisai.  She has a fantastic voice but absolutely no personality….the judges continously comment on the Tarisai they know behind the scenes, but we never get to see this person. Is it a case of split personality?  Who knows, but unless she starts bringing some of that character to the stage, she’ll never make it in the music industry.  Perhaps she should save her wonderful voice for church.

Daniel, Daniel, Daniel.  What the hell is he still doing in the competition?!  I remember watching right through the audition process and when he got into the semi-finals I was pleased…I thought he had a bit of character and sang well.  Until the fateful day when he sang Diesel’s “Right on the Tip of my Tongue” and claimed it was one of his favourite songs of all time.  Then when Holden said something about the poor job he did of it, Daniel bites back with “I’ve really only heard the song a few times”…come on Mr People-Pleaser, who in their right mind would believe that bullshit?  If I claim I have a favourite song, I can guarantee I’ve listened to it 100 times or more…especially one as old as that.  It was at this time that I started to see straight through Daniel and his chameleon ways….

Ben….ok this one will be brief as I was in the next room listening but not watching Ben’s performance.  I thought it was average. Ben has had some good nights and some great nights, but this week just didn’t quite cut it….probably not good enough for the show to be honest, but I quite like him and believe that he has a beautiful voice.  I just hope he gets another chance to prove himself.

Balls Out Jeans Commercial

I tend to think I’m a bit of a clown.  I like acting the goat, being a smart arse, paying out on people and just generally being silly.  However, I also notice that I don’t laugh out loud much when I’m looking/watching something funny on my own.  For example, if I’m in a group environment and we’re watching some sort of comedy show or movie, chances are I’ll crack up with laughter, but when I’m on my own it’s a very different story….I tend to laugh “on the inside”. 

So I know I’ve found a real cracker when I’m sitting by myself and something makes me laugh out loud…..and this is a prime example.  You just have to check out the Balls Out Jeans Commercial

 Granted the acting is terrible, but I’m pretty sure the clip is not about the quality of actors

What engineers do on their days off

This clip is a bit lengthy, but worth a watch….I can’t believe how much time and effort would have been put into this and cannot even begin to fathom living in the house during the period of erection, given that this is no one day job.

http://www.chilloutzone.de/files/player.swf?b=10&l=197&u=ILLUMllSOOAvIF//P_LxP92A42lCHCeeWCejXnHAS/c

You might be a redneck if….in May07

I swear I work with some rednecks at times….

• Your most encouraging words are “Don’t touch that, Dipstick!”
• Your church has a “happy hour”
• Your primary source of income is a pool stick
• Your buddies ask if you want to see pictures of your wife naked and they’re not kidding
• The centrepiece of your landscaping used to get 25 miles per gallon
• The police have had to talk to you about your bonfires
• Starting your car involves popping your hood
• Your garbage man is confused about what goes and what stays
• You’ve ever passed an afternoon by watching other people get their hair cut
• You whistle at women at church
• You inherited a toilet plunger
• You have no idea how many pets you have
• You can’t find your lawnmower
• You’ve ever accepted an invitation written on a bathroom wall
• You hold the hood of your car open with your head while you work on it
• You use a bungee cord as a seat belt
• There’s a belch on your answering machine greeting
• Your neighbour has ever asked to borrow a quart of beer
• You get mail sent to a PO Box because you can’t pronounce your street name
• You’ve ever had to move a car seat to make love
• Bass Pro Shop is forced to garnish your paycheck
• You think “wireless communication” means yelling across your front yard
• The most valuable part of your truck/car is the gas in the tank
• You’ve ever proposed over a pay phone
• You don’t go anywhere without a siphon hose
• You disguise your voice when answering the phone

You might be a redneck if….in Apr07

Thank Foxworthy for another good month of redneck indicators

• The uninvited guests at your family reunion were the SWAT team
• You’ve ever given a full set of NASCAR plastic cups as a wedding present
• You regularly check the brake lights on your house
• You’ve ever swapped shirts with a scarecrow
• The box your TV came in has also served as a clubhouse, a laundry basket, and a playpen
• Your yard has more than ten ceramic figurines
• Nobody else will touch your favourite cap
• The flowers in your bridal bouquet were plastic
• You always cancel the subscription and keep the free gift
• You’ve accidentally injured one of your relatives with a flying toenail
• There are crawfish in your home aquarium
• People drive by your house to look at your Christmas lights in April
• Part of your parole states that you are not allowed to own sheep
• Your wedding dress was leather
• You ever took a deerskin to a dry cleaners
• You taught your 3-year-old to give Jeff Gordon “the finger”
• You’ve skipped work for a sidewalk sale
• Your old washing machine is your new doghouse
• You think your dog is “house-trained” because that is the only place he will go
• You wrap up your older children’s outgrown underwear to give your younger child for his birthday
• Your local beauty salon also fixes cars
• The only thing that you have ever hit with a baseball bat is a mailbox
• You think the four seasons are onion, salt, pepper & garlic
• Your doghouse and your living room have the same shag carpet
• You win the pickled egg-eating contest and nobody in your family will ride home with you
• You and six of your neighbours split a cable bill

National Breast Cancer Awareness Month - October

 It would be prudent of me to mention that October is the month of National Breast Cancer Awareness - and I’m sure many other causes as well - however, being female and having had several friends and family members who have been diagnosed with this god-awful disease, I suppose Breast Cancer is a little closer to my heart…literally

So anyway, I would like to share one friends’ lucky escape story with you, and to do my part for Breast Cancer Awareness.  If you would like to know more, you can visit the National Breast Cancer Foundation.

Please show your support for this worthy cause by making a donation or by buying any Pink Ribbon merchandise online, or from a newsagent or supermarket near you.  Other products that support the foundation are listed on NBCF’s website, so consider changing your brand or stocking up on items next time you do a grocery shop.

I will be hosting a Pink Ribbon Morning Tea at my workplace to help raise funds.