You might be a redneck if….in Jan07
Thanks to Jeff Foxsworthy for his fabulous calendar which my friend Vicky kindly gave me this year. Some of these really crack me up, so I want to share them with the world. However, I will do them month by month so as not to overload people with too much reading material in one sitting…I know this overwhelms some, if they’re not big readers. Here is January 2007:
You might be a redneck if…
- You carry more than 2 extra tyres in the back of your truck
- You’ve taken a pregnancy test and a sobriety test on the same day
- You were married in a laundromat
- You think a “sex change” means trying the backseat
- A screwdriver is required to open the trunk of your car
- Your bucket seats are real buckets
- You eat cotton candy more than 3 times a week
- The only thing you inherited from your father was alcoholism
- You’ve ever heated a cup of coffee with a welding torch
- Both you and your wife wore ponytails on your wedding day
- There is a 4 wheeler parked in your bedroom
- Your wedding reception was a tailgate party
- You think “home security” means taking the front steps to your trailer with you when you leave the house
- Your bar tab has page numbers
- You constantly call the feed and seed store to see if the cat has had her kittens yet
- Your father-in-law said you had no class so you spit on him
- You vacuum the sheets instead of washing them
- The only signal you use while driving is “the finger”
- People often mistake you for an Elvis impersonator
- You could retire by recycling all the cans in the bed of your truck
- Any of your furniture has bullet holes
- Your barber wears rubber gloves
- Your Will mentions “tyres”
- The last time off you had was for good behaviour
Making a Father feel special
Father’s Day started out OK. Caleb played and I did the housework while Pete was still snoring away in bed. When he woke up we gave him his presents – a matching apron set from Caleb that says XXS Small Guy, and one that says XXL Large Guy…we thought this would be good for Pete since he has a bad habit of ruining his clothes cooking on the BBQ, and Caleb often likes to help out too – and Thank God You’re Here S1 & S2 from me. I’m pretty sure he was happy with his gifts. After a while I decided to have a lie down since I was tired from getting up early and doing the housework and I was starting to develop a headache. Pete then wakes me up an hour or so later because he wants to get out of the house and do something so he suggests to go to the Brisbane Powerhouse to check out a photography exhibition they have on. I wasn’t so keen since I wasn’t feeling very well but I was happy to tag along. Anyway as it turns out the exhibition was quite good, but I think I made Pete feel bad about dragging me along, but that certainly wasn’t my intention…it was simply that I didn’t really feel up to anything.
To top off the day, when we got home Pete got a message from one of his clients letting him know that the server was down and so he had a quick nap and then had to drive into Brisbane to reboot the server. So it was just Caleb and I for dinner (of one of my favourite meals – corn meat & white sauce with mashed vegies mmm mmmmmm). By the time Pete got home at around 2130, he wasn’t feeling so well and didn’t want his dinner. I can sympathise with him because I had the same ailment last Monday & Tuesday and let me tell you, it’s not pleasant.
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