You might be a redneck if….in Jan07

Thanks to Jeff Foxsworthy for his fabulous calendar which my friend Vicky kindly gave me this year.  Some of these really crack me up, so I want to share them with the world.  However, I will do them month by month so as not to overload people with too much reading material in one sitting…I know this overwhelms some, if they’re not big readers.  Here is January 2007:

You might be a redneck if…

• You carry more than 2 extra tyres in the back of your truck
• You’ve taken a pregnancy test and a sobriety test on the same day
• You were married in a laundromat
• You think a “sex change” means trying the backseat
• A screwdriver is required to open the trunk of your car
• Your bucket seats are real buckets
• You eat cotton candy more than 3 times a week
• The only thing you inherited from your father was alcoholism
• You’ve ever heated a cup of coffee with a welding torch
• Both you and your wife wore ponytails on your wedding day
• There is a 4 wheeler parked in your bedroom
• Your wedding reception was a tailgate party
• You think “home security” means taking the front steps to your trailer with you when you leave the house
• Your bar tab has page numbers
• You constantly call the feed and seed store to see if the cat has had her kittens yet
• Your father-in-law said you had no class so you spit on him
• You vacuum the sheets instead of washing them
• The only signal you use while driving is “the finger”
• People often mistake you for an Elvis impersonator
• You could retire by recycling all the cans in the bed of your truck
• Any of your furniture has bullet holes
• Your barber wears rubber gloves
• Your Will mentions “tyres”
• The last time off you had was for good behaviour

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