Get Your Racing Gear On

Plug in the details of your car, then your mate’s car and get racing….see who would measure up in a virtual drag race. As you can see below, my friend Deb’s Landcruiser is left behind in a cloud of dust from my X-Trail.

If anyone else is game to try their skill against my car, I dare double dare PHYSICAL CHALLENGE you!!!

The Importance of Communication

A  magazine ran a “Dilbert Quotes” contest, where they wanted people to submit their quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers/bosses. These  were voted some of the top submissions in corporate America:

1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.  (This was the winning entry, from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corporation in Redmond, WA)

2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter.  (Lykes Lines Shipping)

3. How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff?  (Programming intern, Microsoft IIS development team)

4. E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.  (Accounting Mgr., Electric Boat Company)

5. This project is so important, we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it.  (Advertising/Mktg. Mgr., UPS)

6. Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.  (R&D Supervisor, Minnesota Mining & Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

7. My boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn’t edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected.  (CIO of Dell Computers)

8. Quote from the boss: “Teamwork is a lot of people doing what ‘I’ say.”  (Mktg. executive, Citrix Corporation)

9. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my boss, he said she died so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, “That would be better for me.”  (Shipping Executive, FTD Florists)

10. We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.  (AT&T Long Lines Division)

11. We recently received a memo from senior management saying, “This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above.”  (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

12. One day my boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, “If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!” (New Business Mgr., Hallmark Cards)

13. As director of communications, I was asked to prepare a memo reviewing our company’s training programs and materials. In the body of the memo one of the sentences mentioned the “pedagogical approach” used by one of the training manuals. The day after I routed the memo to the executive committee, I was called into the HR Director’s office, and was told that the executive VP wanted me out of the building by lunch. When I asked why, I was told that she wouldn’t stand for “perverts” (pedophiles?) working in her company. Finally he showed me her copy of the memo, with her demand that I be fired, with the word “pedagogical” circled in red. The HR Manager was fairly reasonable, and once he looked the word up in his dictionary and made a copy of the definition to send to my boss, he told me not to worry. He would take care of it. Two days later a memo to the entire staff came out, directing us that no words which could not be found in the local Sunday newspaper could be used in company memos. A month later, I resigned. In accordance with company policy, I created my resignation letter by pasting words together from the Sunday paper. (Taco Bell Corporation)

14. This gem is the closing paragraph of a nationally-circulated memo from a large communications company: “Lucent Technologies is determined to promote constant attention on current procedures of transacting business focusing emphasis on innovative ways to better, if not supercede, the expectations of quality!”

15. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them.  (R&D Supervisor, Minnesota Mining & Manufacturing /3M Corp.)

And if you have a manager or boss that could compete with some of these….ummm, less than impressive leaders, then checkout www.epicbossfail.com

Understanding Engineers….Take 9

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.”

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.”

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”

The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”

Understanding Engineers….Take 8

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, “I like both.”

The others:  ”Both?”

Engineer:  “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done.”

Understanding Engineers….Take 7

Normal people believe that: “…if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

Engineers believe that: “…if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.”

- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle

IN THE SLOT - TOWER OF POWER

Heard this awesome funk album today by a group I had never heard of.  For this reason alone I recommend everyone tries new things…listen to music you wouldn’t normally listen to, see movies you wouldn’t normally see and do things you wouldn’t normally do.  You may just surprise yourself. 

As it turns out, I’m racing out to buy this album as soonas I can hit the pavement and find a record store that stocks it.  Actually, on second thoughts, I’ll probably just buy it online now

Check out Amazon and have a listen to the funky soul sounds of Tower of Power - In The Slot.

Understanding Engineers….Take 6

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.”

Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.”

The last one said, “Actually, it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”

Understanding Engineers….Take 5

Q.  What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

A.  Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers….Take 4

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical.  After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.

A few years later, the company contacted him regarding a seemingly unsolvable problem they were experiencing with one of their multi-million dollar machines.  They had tried everything and everyone to no avail.

In desperation, they called the retired engineer, who had solved so many of their problems in the past, begging him to help them out with this difficult situation.

The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.  He spent 1 day studying the huge machine.  At the end of the day, he marked a small “x” in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, “This is where your problem is.”

The defective part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly to everyone’s relief.  The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service.  They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded briefly:  “One chalk mark - $1.00.  Knowing where to put it - $49,999.00.”

It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

TWILIGHT

I’ve just finished reading Twilight….I know, I know, I’m a bit behind the 8-ball.  But the movie was out before I really caught onto the whole Twilight phenomenon, and I always like to read the books before seeing the films.  Although in saying this, usually it takes a bit longer after the release of the book, before the film comes out.  I guess Stephenie Meyer just took advantage of the world’s crush on Edward as quickly as possible so she could maximise her profits.  Good on her, I say!

Now, if you have been living under a rock for the last couple of years and don’t know what Twilight is all about, then here’s the low-down: 
Edward is a 17 year old vampire living with his vampire family in the small rainy town of Forks, Washington. When accident-prone Bella comes to live with Charlie (her father), the local police chief, she falls head over heels for the undescribably gorgeous Edward. And the feelings are mutual. Obviously this human-vampire love sensation makes for a very dangerous life for both of them and Edward must protect Bella from the inevitable.

If you’re an avid reader (especially ladies), then I highly recommend you get your hands on a copy of Twilight…there are not many books where I can say that I really don’t want to put it down, but this is one of them.  OK, so admittedly I saw the movie first on this occasion so I was excited to see if the book panned out like the movie….and without spoiling it for you, it does….kind of anyway.  As normal there is always more in the book than the movie, and I love the way Meyer takes you on the rollercoaster of love with Edward and Bella, so you feel involved in the story.  Her descriptions of certain situations cannot quite be replicated with video, so in this matter the movie may leave you feeling a little disappointed (but only if you’ve read the book first).

Now after saying this, I don’t know many females that haven’t enjoyed the movie.  Many grown women are being transported back to their teens, as they post photos of Edward (Robert Pattinson) all over their Facebook pages, or posters in their cubicles at work….it’s quite funny really, as I also felt elated after viewing this fantastic story but I’m not about to pretend like I’ll one day marry this love-bitten vampire.

I’ve now started to read New Moon, Meyer’s second book in the Twilight series - there are 4 in total, after New Moon comes Eclipse and then Breaking Dawn.  New Moon is no disappointment, in fact, I think I’m enjoying it more, but I’ll review it completely once I’m finished…..stay tuned!

If you want to buy the Twilight book, DVD or Blu-Ray, check out Fishpond (Fishpond allows you to buy new or used books, DVDs etc at great prices - most of the time they have the cheapest online price):

BOOK DVD

Or if you’re outside Australia and would rather buy from Amazon:

TWILIGHT SAGA COLLECTION
DVD BLU-RAY